Life

Do I Really Need to “Cherish” Even THESE Moments??

Yesterday was one of those days where I kind of felt like a circus clown juggling one minute, teaching dogs to jump through hoops the next, and balancing far too many things at one time.

I had several conference calls scheduled for work, and while I love working from home, I love my child-free days working from home even more.  Though I’m good at multitasking, my brain works best when I can give my full attention to one task.  I do my best work when I can fully invest into something.  So I spent my day juggling how long I knew I would need to spend with Alex to have his “tank be filled” so I could get through phone call #1, then knew we would need snacks before phone call #2.  Somewhere around there lunch needed to happen before phone call #3 and more quality time with Alex or I knew I would be interrupted….

So anyway when I get in this funk, where I feel like I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and I get depleted because I am so focused on my needs and my selfishness  that I forget that God gave me these little people in my life to love on and serve…..well often times then I tend to point my frustration towards my kids.  Questions like:

Why are they getting in the way of what I want to accomplish?

I can’t wait until they are older so they aren’t hanging all over me all the time.

Get your own snacks…better yet…why are you hungry AGAIN?  I just fed you 10 minutes ago…… all of these cross my mind.

My kids become a burden in those moments, and sometimes I take the moment too far and it’s wasted, but if I listen closely here is about when the Holy Spirit steps in and nudges me to remember what role he has asked of me right now for them-  to be their mother.

Now don’t get me wrong here…there is a difference between serving our children, and worshipping the ground they walk on.  There is necessary self-care, and there is definitely selfishness in my sinful nature that makes me want to hold my own needs above anyone else more often than not, but this is another post for another day 🙂

I have heard countless times over the years “Cherish these moments!  They grow up so fast!” And can I be honest- as a mom of littles I hear that and I cringe, and I want to kick the person who says it while at the same time hug them and sob “I know!”

I know it goes by so fast!  I really do, but when you are in the thick of it….babies to toddlers to preschoolers from spit up to breastfeeding, to diaper blowouts, pureed covered babies, tantrums, and screaming 3-year-olds sitting in a cart walking through the grocery store….it feels so long, and lonely, and like you will never be out of it, and then in a blink, it’s gone….and all the sudden those babies are going to birthday parties without you, and asking about slumber parties, and doing chores responsibly without being told…how in the world are you supposed to handle it all any better?!?!

I can’t.

I just can’t.

Not on my own I can’t.

I do my best to cherish every moment, but to be honest, I lose it sometimes.

I blow it big time.

Like, a lot!

Then “sorry’s” are said, and heart to hearts happen, and wounds are mended, and we start over again, and you know what?

I am so grateful that we get to start over again.

Because you know why?  I feel so much pressure from the words “Cherish these moments!  They grow up so fast!”

Pressure to live perfectly.

To walk through life unscathed.

Pressure to not mess up or miss something, and I can’t live up to that.

I need grace to actually LIVE life.  

So MUCH grace!

Not permission to do whatever I want, however I want, or whenever I want.

No I need grace to have permission to mess up.  To not have to be perfect.

If it’s anything that I’ve learned from being a parent, it’s that I’m actually missing out on more of real life trying to be perfect all the time.  

Real life is made up of “I’m sorrys,” burnt suppers, and kissed boo-boos.

Real life is made up of lessons learned the hard way, giving up control, forgiving others, and loving through our differences.

And so today….I muddled my way through trying to be the best parent I could be while balancing a bunch of work stuff.  My heart wasn’t in parenting today, but it doesn’t have to be.  Not when I have Jesus, He makes me enough I lay it down before Him, and He helps me be what I need to be.  I don’t always have to “feel like it.” Sometimes you just have to “do it” and watch “God work through and in you.

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So right after I had my hissy fit woe is me, feel like a circus act moment today I snapped this picture of Alex, and right there, I was humbled….here is my 3-year-old old little man, looking like a 5-year-old.  So proud.  So tall.  And God reminded me that yes, it is these moments I want to cherish, because soon, that 3-year-old boy, looking 5-year-old boy really will be 5, then 10, then 15, and soon enough a real man going off on his own, but I don’t have to find my “want to” in cherishing these hard moments in the early years, or in the teenage defiant years….I just have to let Jesus be my enough, and if Jesus is my enough, I don’t have to be perfect.  He gives me grace.  I’m given grace to make mistakes, and know that I am only enough because of Him….never without Him.

I don’t know about you, but I am so thankful for that.  So I’m just going to keep on letting Jesus be my enough, because it’s so freeing that I don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations anymore.  I don’t have to live with the guilt weighing on me that I didn’t cherish enough of the moments, or do enough, or be enough. I just need to live this one life for Him, because He is enough.

 

Blessings,

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2 thoughts on “Do I Really Need to “Cherish” Even THESE Moments??

  1. Bridget, thank you for sharing your heart. I can only speak from my perspective but please know that when I say it goes fast I’m looking back at my own life and remembering. Remembering how I didn’t at times live in the moment but wished for the next stage and in some ways rushed through their childhood. Here I am today not wishing those years back but longing for simple days of changing diapers, temper tantrums and bedtime routines. Today I’m sad because I got to spend two glorious days with my boys and their girls and realize how much I miss them so bad it hurts my heart and tears so easily pool in my eyes thinking of them. Please know when those words are said there are no expectations of you being the perfect mom but sadness in realizing it went all too fast-even the times when it was challenging and hard. It’s surely okay to be frustrated and have rough days. Please know I can commiserate with that and remember it well. Please know that grace abounds and that is how I got through and get through those days when I don’t feel like I’m enough. Please know I want to hear your struggles and heart and that no judgement comes because no one is perfect and we all need grace. As a dear and wise friend of mine once told me, no guilt, no glory, all God’s grace. Just do the best you can and that is all anyone can ask of you. I love Lamentations 3:22-23. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new EVERY morning. Each day we get to wake up to a fresh start. I’m so thankful for that! You are a great mom with a beautiful heart! With much love, Kim

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    1. Oh Kim you are such a joy and a blessing! I surely hope that didn’t personally offend you or others who have said those things. I of course didn’t mean for it too! Only the acknowledgement that the balance of it all is soooo hard, but also knowing that God calls us to find our joy in Him, that He is our source that even in the hardest of things we can still praise Him! He is good even when days are filled with tantrums and tears. He is good even when all I can muster up the strength to do is have cereal for supper. He is so so good to me to even bless me with little ones that I get to work through tantrums with!

      You are so wise, and I love your friends words! I love those verses from Lamentations too…I repeat them often 🙂 Today’s culture often makes us feel like we get no grace, and it is acknoweldging that very thing, and the fact that God is a God of grace, and following only Him that we can have freedom in our parenting to cherish moments, but also sometimes struggling to cherish them, and still knowing we are enough as moms. I’m so grateful I have Jesus to do life with. I don’t know how people do this without Him!

      I know someday I too will have moments of missing these days that all I can do is sit and weep, but it will even be in those that I see God’s grace, and the beauty of knew moments. That He gives us grace to mourn what was, and strength to live in what is, and courage to have hope for the future.

      You have an absolutely lovely family, and I can see how hard you have worked to lace and weave into the tapestry of it a solid foundation of Jesus. I aspire to have our family be the same, and am so glad to have people like you to model after! The words from Proverbs come to mind when I think of you
      “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”
      It is my prayer that someday mine can do the same.

      Much love,
      Bridget

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